The Wait is kinda the worst

I thought out of all the parts of applying to med school, the wait would be the easiest. Nothing I have to do right? So it should be easy peasy!

False, on so many levels.

1. There is no hard date by which I will absolutely know if I was accepted or not. Okay, well obviously the first day of class would be that date, but that is a year and 3-4 months from when I applied! Then, by sneakily looking through past SDN (really, stay away from here! I won’t even link it!) threads, I realize “oh, maybe this one med school sends out acceptances one Friday a month.” But which Friday?? No one knows. So every single Friday from my interview date, I get anxious. Really, it starts on Thursday. I wonder nervously if tomorrow is the day. Every. Single. Week. And so far, it hasn’t been so.

2. People around you start to get accepted. Then the people (who interviewed months after you did) get accepted. Have I been waitlisted? Rejected? The world may never know!

3. What are my plans after graduation? Um…well…I guess I should get started on that? While I am so happy for my friends and others who are excitedly looking forward to their future, its hard to not know my own.

4. The reality sets in. This is a rough process. I could definitely be rejected from all the schools to which I applied and interviewed.

5. Could I have done more? Would this school like be better if I had done Early Decision? Were my ECs not extra enough? Did I flunk my interview? Did I act really horribly inappropriate? Nothing I can change right now (except maybe those ECs!)…There’s nothing I can do except keep strugglin on through this limbo.

It’s hard to “live life to the fullest” right now. I feel like all I am doing is anxiously awaiting an email that may never come, that I really really really want to come. Sometimes it’s all I can obsess think about.

This really stinks. But oh well, laundry must be done, and material must be studied. Off I go! Going to do my best to swallow my disappointment and get my perspective on life realigned.

The Waiting

I don’t know what it is…actually, I have a pretty good idea. I’ve been pretty unfocused lately. All my life I’ve wanted to go to med school, and then become a doctor. Right now, after my first interview, I’m just…waiting. There’s nothing more to do to influence the decision.

Mayhaps I need to prepare myself for the worst and try to make myself a better applicant in case I get rejected. I know I was weak in the leadership area.

But…I’m just holding my breath. I am in limbo. I feel flat and uninspired. I keep trying to tell myself that feelings don’t control me, but man, they are pretty powerful.

I’ll keep doing my best with school work. But I think I’ll take the rest of the month off from trying to guess at my future. I’ll start prepping for my next interview in Jan, and hopefully soon after, I’ll hear back from school #1.